When you've recently discovered you are in a relationship with a
sex addict and are now ambivalent or unsure whether you wish to continue working on the relationship, consider discernment counseling with New York Pathways.
This is a common problem most partners
and spouses face once they come to terms they are now in a committed relationship with a sex addict. But, before making any emotionally rash decisions, understand that addiction is a problem with a solution and it
would be wise to consider your alternatives in light of the potential for restoring and even improving your intimate relationship.
The goal of discernment counseling is to assist you in gaining
greater clarity and confidence in your decision making while working through the structural and emotional damage to your relationship. The immediate decision is framed not as whether to stay together or divorce but
whether to continue moving towards divorce or committing to a six month effort to restore your marriage, with divorce off the table for that time period.
Discernment counseling usually involves up to 5 sessions
working with the couple together and each partner separately.
The experienced family and marriage counselors at New York Pathways respect the reasons for you wanting to move towards divorce while opening up
the possibility of restoring your marriage to health. We offer support and understanding along with challenge, but we do not make specific therapeutic interventions aimed at improving the marriage.
Frequently the betrayed partner wants out of the relationship quickly, while the addict wants to stay married, because of the trauma of discovery and damage caused by sexual acting out. The discernment counselor works
with each partner separately, focusing on the decision making process with the spouse who has been betrayed and on constructive efforts to salvage the marriage with the other. In both cases, the spouses will
have the opportunity to understand how addiction has impacted the relationship and what the potential is for recovery from addiction and healing from past hurt and betrayal.
If the ultimate decision is to
try to reconcile, the discernment counselor switches from discernment counseling to beginning a six month course of couples therapy or refers them to our 3-day Couples Intensive to jump start a therapeutic
process. During this time the addict engages in intensive sex addiction treatment and the spouse/partner will be strongly encouraged to attend our group "Working Through Shattered Trust: Mending Strategies for
Spouses and Partners" and /or individual counseling.
For more information about sex addiction discernment counseling, please contact Kathleen Kelley at 212-252-4121 or email