Where Do I Begin?

Coming to that moment of truth about your sexual addiction is monumental. It’s the kind of moment that finds you on the edge of acceptance, or it’s the kind of moment that so fills you with shame that you want to run away. Don’t run. At New York Pathways we are well aware of your feelings right now. We know that the pain of revealing what you have done, with total truthfulness, can be terrifying. But if you have finally gotten to the truth about your sexual acting out then there really isn’t any turning back. It has been said that the truth sets us free. What truth really does is screw up our addictions. No longer can we partake in past behaviors without that nagging voice of truth screaming at us.

Taking your internal conflict and turning it into action is the next step. Find a group of people who suffer from sexual addiction, ones who are on the road to sexual sobriety. Use the group, and its healthiest members, as your guide to freedom from the addiction that is ruling your life.

The best groups are the ones that adhere to the disease model  of addiction and the 12 Step model of recovery. The following is a  list of some of the groups recommended by New York Pathways.

SLAA – Sex and Love Addiction Anonymous: In SLAA, you and a sponsor – someone who has been where you are – will define what is and is not sober behavior. In our experience, SLAA is the place for you if you are addicted to a person or to the idea of being in love.

SAA – Sex Addicts Anonymous: SAA uses three circles to help you define what is 1) Acting out behavior, 2) Tools to assist you in moving away from acting out behavior, and 3) Top line behavior which ensures better sexual health. SAA believes the three circles will help you achieve better mental, physical, spiritual, and sexual health.

SRA – Sexual Recovery Anonymous: SRA has a more stringent definition of sobriety. It defines sobriety as no masturbation, and no sex outside of a mutually committed relationship.

SA – Sexaholics Anonymous: SA employs a similar definition of sobriety as SRA: no masturbation and no sex out side of marriage.  SA believes that marriage is defined as being between one man and one woman. SA is the most conservative of the recovery groups.

SCA – Sexual Compulsives Anonymous: SCA is open to all sexual orientations. Through the help of a sponsor you will develop a sobriety plan to move you towards health.

Some things to keep in mind are that you don’t have to be in a relationship in order to act out sexually, or in order to seek recovery. The reason we urge you to find a recovery group is because the group experience in invaluable. It will help come out of isolation and feeling alone, and it will allow you to share your experiences in a safe environment. Recovery groups aren’t full of old men in trench coats. They are full of people like you and me, from all socio-economic backgrounds and races, with a spectrum of beliefs and ideologies. Addiction knows no boundaries. Neither does recovery.

For more information about these groups and links to their sites, go here http://www.newyorkpathways.com/selfhelp.html

Bearing the reality of your sex addiction doesn’t have to be done alone. It shouldn’t be done alone. Get out of your own way by turning your fears into action. There is a group out there waiting to welcome you.

Tim Lee
timothyscottlee@hotmail.com